Rock-a-bye

Our sweet Sadie girl has been sick for nearly a week. I've been running on a combo of Plexus and a prayer! The dr said it was just a virus and that we just needed to let it run it's course. Most of the time, the course doesn't last so long, so it's been really hard on her. I'm so ready for that sparkle to come back in her eyes.

On a good note, we are just waiting to be assigned a case writer. This will be the person who will cover our homestudy. Praise the Lord that the reason it is taking so long to get assigned is that there are a lot of families becoming certified right now. In turn, this gives my kids extra time with their beloved trampoline. That's going to be one sad day for them (and for mama)! I've been so proud of how they've understood the rule against trampolines while fostering. They didn't at first, but they've come around. When we started the foster care route, it seemed like such a personal decision- between Tim and I, but I have quickly realized that all five of us are being stretched and refined through this journey and we don't even have a baby yet.

I've found myself thinking about her a lot lately. Sadie has been wanting to be rocked a lot this past week, since she's felt so bad, and the rocker is in the baby's room. I love how the arms and seat are worn down. So many memories. The rocker was a baby gift to my parents, from my Grandmother and Grandpa. My mom rocked my sister and I...My Aunt Carla rocked my two cousins...and I have rocked all three of mine.

It's hard not to picture our daughter in the nursery, and all the babies who could find themselves in our home, for a time. I think that's the thing that I can't get over just yet...That we will very likely not know how long a baby will be with us. You have to be all in. I know me and I know that won't be my stumbling block. I think that's where trusting them to the Lord and dedicating them at our doorstep, will be the best thing we ever do.

So, I think we're ready. Sadie keeps saying that it feels like Christmas and sometimes I feel the same. It really is very possible for the kids to go to sleep one night and wake up the next morning with a sister. It's such a weird feeling of being anxious for different reasons. For being excited to get her here and deeply saddened and scared for what she will go through to get into the system to be brought to us.

Thank you to every one who asks about how things are going. We're so close!

Almost there

So far, today has been the hardest in our journey to become foster care certified. Up until now, everything required has been about Tim and I. From the mounds of paperwork and hours and hours worth of training, to getting our home all ready for baby...it's all been adult stuff. We've never had to ask anything of our children. I have held off on this one thing for as long as we could- the kids' dreaded TB test...And, to make matters worse, I took them all by myself, like a moron. What in the world was I thinking? It was slightly less than a nightmare. I lied to the kids and told them that it was for school because a lie in this situation seemed to make more sense, or at least it did in the moment. When we left, all four of us were crying. Afterwards, we met Tim for lunch because Mexican food fixes everything (it's true). Tim is so wonderful with the kids. He explains things so simply to them. He told them the truth (guess he's the honest one out of the two of us) and you know what, they listened and their little hearts heard him. A little shot is the very least we can do to be able to open up our home to a baby sister. We spoke about where she may be coming from and the sacrifices we need to make to be able to offer our family to her. Though he was explaining it on their level, it was totally hitting my heart. Being obedient to God's call for your family isn't easy, but I trust the minute we open the door to our forever daughter, or our for a time daughter, all the hoops and stuff will make sense. I know it will. We really are now just waiting to have our homestudy scheduled and then we'll be official! I can hardly believe we're almost there!

Six

If you haven't heard by now, we will be adding ONE MORE to our family of five.

**No I am not pregnant.**

We will be fostering to adopt! And we couldn't be more excited! When you answer God's call on your family, you pray that every one in your family hears the same call. Though our kids are young, I am certain that fostering to adopt is something that God has placed in their little hearts as well. The kids are very excited and talk about their baby sister all the time.

Holden: Wanted us to confirm that he will still be the head of the kids. Ha! (I'm sure he phrased it more cleverly than that).

Fount: Wants the baby to live in his room so he can sing to the baby and give the baby a bottle if they cry. (Ahhh so sweet!)

Sadie: Wants to share all her toys with her and sing to her and hold her hand in the car.

We have a long way to go before we are certified...between the mound of paperwork, home study, background checks, and training hours...it will be months. Thank you, in advance to our family and friends who will be taking care of our kids while we do our training. It means a lot!

Lastly, but first in our hearts, please pray for our little girl. She may already be born...pray for safety and that she knows she is so loved already.

2 week countdown

Only two weeks left. Two weeks until Holden goes to first grade. I am an emotional mess. All I want to do is hold him in my lap, eat ice cream, and look at his baby pictures.

Other than a few short trips here and there, throughout his 6 1/2 years, we've spent all our days together.

He started out as my baby and has became my buddy.

I'm going to miss him something terrible. For a person, like myself, who wears their emotions shamelessly on their face, it's been hard to not be sad in front of Holden. God help me on his first couple of days.

I know it isn't about me right now, it's about this big new life step for him. I've been worrying like  mad woman about what we did and didn't teach him yet....The truth is, even though he will be away from me (tear) for eight hours, five days a week (tear), Tim and I will still be the most influential people in his life. We know this because we're grown ups.

We taught him about how much Jesus loves him and how to show that to others through kindness.
He will be ok. I know that he will be ok.

But....You better believe I will be creepy and spy on him during recess. I don't care.

Holden,

Mama loves you like crazy.

You are so precious to me.

You are going to love school, I promise!

:)